We recently consulted with a local Psychologist and esteemed colleague who has collaborated with us on many Interventions over the past few years. A point in the conversation drew attention to the fear response in clients at the mere mention of an “Intervention”. This was not exactly new news. And an obvious concern considering the fact that Professional Interventions have been confirmed to be highly effective for decades in guiding family members and family systems to healing, well being and a higher quality of life. 

 Having personally facilitated hundreds of successful Clinical and Family Structured Interventions over the past 14 years I hope to have some insight into what drives these fears. I also feel that I have a responsibility to do my best to address some of them. 

 As a man who is in recovery from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic and/or dysfunctional home, there were three rules that were instilled into me from before I can remember. Those rules were Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel. That was exactly how I lived my life prior to this adventure of a purpose filled life in recovery. And still do on subtler levels at times with consideration to being an imperfect human being. 

 I share this specifically because what I generally find, is that many of the family members that I coach and guide through the intervention process can relate to the above statement of rules on a deep and oftentimes painful level. Although they usually don’t initially let on to that fact.

 These are generally not surface fears but very real and deeply embedded belief systems that have been carried on into adulthood. It’s refreshing when at least one or more family members are engaged in some level of therapy prior to engaging in an intervention process for their loved one. And imperative that they engage in therapy either during or post intervention.

 Essentially what I’m saying is that one of the greatest barriers to engaging in a life saving process of intervention for a friend or family member is the level of generational shame and fear driven family dysfunction that’s present. An Intervention represents the proposition of taking a first step in breaking these rules of family dysfunction. With full empathy, this can prove to be a very difficult decision for many.

 It’s important to note that most people who were raised in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home are as of yet unaware of it. If they are aware, it is also common to not fully understand how impacted their lives have been by family alcoholism and/or dysfunction. 

• Don’t Talk

 There is the debilitating fear and shame of simply speaking up about the level of destruction that’s transpiring in a home that’s being ravaged by untreated addiction, substance misuse and/or mental health. Within a dysfunctional home this is a big no no. The idea of sharing this with a stranger is absolutely out of the question. The consequences and punishment from other family members can be just as destructive as the behavior of the person who’s living with untreated addiction, substance misuse and/or mental health. 

 The reality is that if no one finds the willingness to step into their discomfort to address the issues plaguing their family, things will only continue to progress in a negative way. It only takes one to speak up and seek help to begin the chain reaction. A single family member has the power to influence the whole system and demonstrate that it’s safe to step into discomfort and ultimately a higher quality of life. 

 When a friend or family member picks up the phone to ask for help, it’s a huge deal that can lead to a transformative life for many. It’s also known to be highly liberating to speak the truth about what’s been happening for possibly the first time. 

Many great events begin with a healthy conversation.

• Don’t Trust

 Many from alcoholic or dysfunctional homes are taught that not trusting creates a bubble of safety. It’s extremely difficult for family members to take a risk and trust a professional to guide them through what is as of yet to them, an unknown process of intervention for their loved one. Unfortunately it usually takes a life threatening crisis situation to be willing to move past the fear and trust a professional. Even worse, most find an inability to trust until the irreversible happens to their loved one.

 Prior to beginning any intervention process, I will ask the family if they’ve hit bottom. If the answer is yes they are generally willing to trust enough to make a beginning. We then take our time and build trust from that point. It’s a humbling honor for a family to invest their trust in you as their coach and guide through an intervention process to well being. 

 Not only are they being asked to take a risk and trust the Intervention Specialist, the family is then asked to trust a team of clinicians who they have yet to meet to aid their loved one in building a foundation of recovery. To step into this process can be an extraordinary feat for a family.

 It’s imperative for me personally as a professional entrusted to guide families to take these facts into account and to genuinely put myself in their shoes as we move through the intervention process. 

Trust is a possibility with many more possibilities to follow.

• Don’t Feel

 The beauty of a well planned and delivered intervention process is that a safe space is created for family and friends to express their feelings in a healthy non-shaming manner to their loved one living with Untreated addiction, substance misuse and/or mental health. This is where the heart is able to connect with the heart and recovery becomes possible. 

 At the preparation stage of the process there is often times years of unexpressed grief that comes to the forefront. It’s been stored for years because until now it hasn’t been safe to express it. 

 When considering an intervention family members are generally well aware of the grief that they are carrying and are often petrified of what will happen if it’s expressed in front of others. This is another example of the importance of therapy for the family. Their well being is just as important as the person whom they are putting in all of this effort to guide to treatment. 

 A truly professional Interventionist will understand these points and collaborate with other professionals to help the family navigate this process in a healthy and safe manner toward a higher quality of life.

To allow ourselves to experience our emotions is essential to our overall health and quality of life. 

• Intervention as entertainment

 Another point of fear is the witnessing of exploitation of people living with Substance Use Disorder and their families as entertainment. The reality is that fear, grief and suffering are attractive and relatable to those living in a culture of fear, grief and suffering. Unfortunately Intervention as entertainment is the only version of an Intervention process that most in the general public know. And comprise a very small percentage of the Interventions being conducted by few qualified professionals around the world daily.

 For most coming from an alcoholic and/or dysfunctional home, filmed interventions that they witness build on the old debilitating fears that were already there. In part because they only witness brief snippets of the process. Usually the most excitable because that’s what sells and boosts ratings. 

 The idea of actually going as far as engaging in a life changing and transformative intervention process is unfathomable to them. 

 The truth is that a well planned intervention with an educated team is in most cases not excitable at all. In fact with an appropriate invitation extended to participate in a meaningful family conversation the Intervention process usually progresses at a healthy pace to a successful outcome. 

 I hope that this has helped to offer some perspective on some points that we don’t often hear about. If we can address the root of our fears we can ideally find the courage to move beyond them to bigger and better things. Keep in mind that although there may not be generational trauma and dysfunction within a family, if a conversation is being had about a possible intervention, there is currently. Family trauma and dysfunction is generally a continual cycle of crisis. We just get desensitized over time and don’t realize that we’re living it. Be aware of windows of willingness. They open as we need them and enable us to face our fears.

For support and education regarding the effects of family alcoholism and/or dysfunction, an excellent free resource is ACA Adult Children of Alcoholics and/or Dysfunctional Families. https://adultchildren.org